No really. I HATE it. Like abhor with a passion. It’s the worst part of my life.

I was meant to have a maid.

But I don’t have one.

You see the problem there?

So, since I have to clean my own home, I’m all about making it quick and easy to clean. Shortcuts are OK in my book. Anything that’s going to let me get back to my regularly scheduled life is fair game.

A few years ago I got dragged (not willingly) to one of those home parties… for cleaning products.

I couldn’t have been more out of my element.  I sat there like a dear caught in the headlights.  Can you say AWKWARD.

Little did I know that chance encounter would start my love affair with a cleaning product line called Norwex.

Oh, I still hate cleaning.  But at least I get it done quickly now.

I use Norwex for everything. Mops, dusting, wash cloths.  They’re easy.  They’re quick.  And?  They actually do a good job.

My very favorite product, though, is their window cloth. I can clean smudgy toddler finger prints and dog grime off my sliding glass door with one swipe and just water. And no streaks. Love love love.

The biggest test was when I let my mom borrow a few of my cleaning cloths to try out.

You see, my mom is one of those OCD cleaning junkies. You can, quite literally, eat off her floors. She was the type to get down on her hands and knees and scrub her kitchen floor because a mop didn’t do a good enough job.  *FREAK*

Well I know the products are amazing because my mom has done away with manual floor washing and says her Norwex gets them just as clean in a quarter of the time (again – just using water. No chemical cleaning products needed).  Oh yeah.  She went out and bought her own set of cleaning cloths and everything, she was so sold on it.

As much as I like how the line cleans, I really like that all you need to do is wet down a cloth with water to clean. Having a child with special needs (as well as multiple furry creatures that live with us) has made me more aware of what chemicals I’m using in the home. And this is definitely a case where less is more.

I also have super sensitive skin.  Cleaning with chemicals (even if I wear gloves) leaves my hands sore and chapped.  Just one more reason I hate to clean but love my Norwex stuff.

I know, you’re dying to know where you can get your own now.

Well you didn’t think I would tell you about this stuff and then leave you high and dry did you? Never!

My good friend Jackie has put together a great Norwex package for one lucky reader!

It contains:

• An antibacterial dusting mitt in blue
• A pink antibacterial microfiber Enviro cloth
• A scrubbing dish cloth
• And, my favorite, the antibacterial window cloth

That’s over $50 worth of cleaning products that you could win.  And, believe me, they are worth every penny!

HOW TO ENTER:

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment letting us know your MOST HATED cleaning chore.

Bonus entry:

• Visit Jackie’s site and let us know the one item you would most like to have

If you just can’t wait and want some products of your own now, you can order them right from Jackie’s shop !

**the fine print**

Contest available to US & Canadian residents.

Yes, you can still enter if you’re going to the BlogHer conference.

Please leave one comment per entry please.  Duplicate entries will be deleted.

Contest closes July 30th ,2010 @ 5pm EST

Winner will be drawn from all eligible entries by a random number generator

*****

Every night I fall into bed next to a man I have been with for seventeen years. I am more in love with him now than I was when I married him. Not only is he my best friend and partner in parenting our five children but he is my lover, and a damn good one at that.

Through the years our sex life has changed. When we were young we fucked like rabbits, sometimes six and seven times a day. (no lie) We would literally lay up in my dorm room and have sex all day long, soaking the sheets with our sweat and bodily fluids, drinking water and sodas and eating cheese crackers and candy bars. I am amazed he was able to keep his 4.0 that semester to be honest with you because he missed a lot of classes. In those early years we had sex just about anywhere, and everywhere. There is probably not a park, a dead end street, or cemetery we didn’t visit in the southern part of the state.

When we met, I was definitely the more experienced one and I used it to my advantage. My mother often said that the reason he asked me to marry him in six weeks and three days of dating was because I probably blew his fucking mind away with so much sex. There may be some truth to that, because I have yet to hear him deny it.

Over the years, the ebb and flow of our sex life has varied. That is what happens when you have children back to back to back and all kinds of family drama in between. Frequency has varied from twice daily to four to five times a week. I think the longest we have gone without having sex is five weeks and one day and that was last year when I had a hysterectomy. Sex is a very important part of our relationship and I hope it continues to be.

One of the great things between Mr. K and I is having open communication, especially when it comes to sex. Sadly, many couples do not have open communication about sex. I’ve been surprised by how many women do not voice sexual discomfort, likes, dislikes, and what they want in their relationships. Sometimes this is because of past sexual abuse or other issues that may impact trusting your partner. I’ve had people ask me what is the most important thing to my sex life, and it’s not a position, a sex act, or some extra mysterious make you orgasm in 30 seconds fingering move but trust. The second most important thing is talking.

It might not be easy to communicate your needs between the sheets. I know I have failed at communicating my wants and desires a few times. There are always subtle ways to get information to your partner. I know that I have left messages for Mr. K on the bathroom mirror written in lipstick. Sticky notes with suggestions in his lunch, emails with suggestive information and possible links to something I want to try, and let me not forget sextexting.

Just like communicating anything else in a relationship, be sure to not cut your partner down or embarrass them. This may be a no brainer, but nothing turns a person off more than hearing “I really hate it when you…”. Try to pick appropriate times to to talk to your partner about what you want from them sexually. If they are really stressed out or extremely tired it is probably not the time because they may not be receptive to your wants and desires.

I know it is tough with kids, jobs and all the other responsibilities but without a doubt, opening the lines of communication about where you want to be kissed, licked and fucked will only improve your sex life and even more so your relationship.

This post would not be complete without a GIVEAWAY!!! I would like to thank the people of KY for sponsoring my post today on BlogHer@Home and providing TWO very lucky readers the chance to win a prize pack of their Yours+Mine products. Winners will receive the NEW K-Y KISSABLE SENSATIONS but also a K-Y YOURS+MINE lubricant.

To Enter: In the comments let me know what  creative ways you have done to communicate with your partner what you want or life between the sheets. A winner will be announced next Thursday, same time and place, so you have until Wednesday to get your entries in.

Last Weeks Winners!!! Random.org picked out no. 10 and no. 5. Congratulations Ilissa and carbonKim!!!

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I need a crown to go with my pearl necklace because after all I am a queen.

A blow job queen.

The first time I heard what a blow job was I didn’t scrunch up my face and scream “Ewww gross!” I was fascinated. So I looked it up in the World Book Encyclopedia and was disappointed when I found nothing about blow jobs. I had been under the illusion that those beautiful books contained everything I ever wanted to know, but it wasn’t until a few years later when I was thirteen that I would finally get to see what a blow job was all about. No, I didn’t start giving blow jobs then, that came a few years later, but my best friend Stacy and I did discover her dad’s porn collection and that was an eye opener.

A few years later I did finally get to give head and ya know, I probably wasn’t very good at it, but I don’t think he noticed. He was new to blow jobs himself and was probably just happy to have a girl willing to stick his dick in her mouth. For the next few years my highschool sweetheart’s dick was training ground for years to come.

Giving good head I don’t think comes naturally, it takes practice. Lots and lots of practice. Through the years I have perfected my skills. I like giving head. I get off on it. Nothing makes me cum faster than knowing my husband is about to blow and is screaming to a God he doesn’t believe in. There is a certain kind of power you have over a man when you have his manhood in your mouth, near your teeth. They are vulnerable, and you have the ability to give them much pleasure or pain.

So today I am going to give you some tips on how to give great head. Giving great head doesn’t mean you have to swallow or deep throat your partner. Most men could care less about either one of those things. Though I will warn you that if you are doing everything right, and you become a blow job queen like myself, be prepared to spit or swallow.

First, the number one thing you need to know about giving a good blow job is enthusiasm. You have to be excited about doing it, or your partner needs to think you are excited about doing it. I am of the opinion that this is not something you should fake – you either like sucking the dick or you don’t. If sucking dick is not for you, learn how to give a mind blowing hand job. Giving good head though has a lot to do with attitude, being sexy, and being excited about being with your partner after that,  it’s all about technique.

Second thing you need to know about giving good head is that the wetter it is the better. There are two ways to go about this. One way is to use a lubricant and the second  is to lube it up yourself with your saliva. Slobber up and down the shaft. Use your tongue to get things wet. Pretend you are licking a giant lollipop and just can’t wait to get to the center of it. Take the entire shaft in your mouth and build up a lot of spit with your tongue, enticing and teasing from the base up. Don’t worry about any slobbering or wet noise you may make while you are doing this. Your man will not even notice!

The next key to making this a mind blowing experience is to use your hands. You may not be able too or may not want to take the entire penis into your mouth but you can still give attention to the whole thing. This is where having a really wet dick is going to come in handy. While the head is in your mouth you can grip the base of the penis with your hand and in a twisting like motion massage it. You are going to want to be firm, but not to firm. Dude will let you know if its too tight I can guarantee. You can also give the illusion that you are taking the whole penis into your mouth by making a fist around the shaft of the penis and making sure it is pulled right up to your mouth. When you go up and down with your mouth, you do the same with your hand.

One of the things I do when giving head, is that I am constantly changing it up. I don’t just do the same thing over and over again. You don’t just want to suck the dick, you want to tease it. You want to lick it. You want to flick your tongue all around the head, sometimes at the same time you are sucking it. Kiss it, gently rake your teeth over it, and change the amount of suction you have when sucking it. Not only do you want to change the strength of your suck but the timing of it too. Take long deep sucks, teasing with your tongue and change to quick rapid ones. Pull off the shaft and kiss the inner thigh, lick the balls, or while sucking him off massage the area just behind his balls. There is no certain order to doing any of this, it’s really up to you and you will be able to take cues from your man on by the sounds he makes by what he likes most.

The time will come to finish your man off. You can go about this in a variety of ways. For one, once you decide you are going to finish him off in your mouth you are going to suck on him rhythmically, keeping the same pace. If you cup one of your hands around his balls you will be able to tell when he is about to cum. You will feel them begin to tighten up and this is when you are going to move at a faster pace. As you begin to feel him cum, take his dick in your mouth all the way down to the base and slow the sucking down as he shoots off down your throat, either that or pull the dick out of your mouth QUICK!  If you are not wanting him to cum in your mouth, I suggest at some point mounting him and riding him to the finish line. You can always just pull off and scream FUCK ME at him and I am sure he will be obliged to do so in any fashion.

So far I have not had any complaints in the blow job department, so where is my crown? I think Mr. K owes me one with sparkly diamonds after seventeen years of getting great head. I am not sure if these techniques will work for you like they have for me, the key is to respect your partner and have an open line of communication. Let your partner know what you like or don’t like and be sure to take the same cues from them.

This post would not be complete without a GIVEAWAY!!! I would like to thank the people of KY for sponsoring my post today on BlogHer@Home and providing TWO very lucky readers the chance to win a prize pack of their Yours+Mine products. Winners will receive the NEW K-Y KISSABLE SENSATIONS but also a K-Y YOURS+MINE lubricant.

To Enter: In the comments below let me know if you think I deserve a crown. For an additional entry leave your own tip for giving great head. A winner will be announced next Thursday, same time and place, so you have until Wednesday to get your entries in.

Last Weeks Winners!!! Random.org picked out no. 28 and no. 1. Congratulations Kimberly and Jenni!!!

Kimberly:

I am sitting at work dying!
Ok, we did it standing up on a bike path in the ditch…we could hear people biking by us…Those were the days sigh prebaby ;)

Jenni Williams:

oh boy.
before kids, the movie theater. really. standing up, in a movie theater.

after kids, in the kitchen while the kids were in the tub. (Before someone thinks I am neglectful they are 5,7,9)

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They are so simple and easy and I LOVE chocolate (especially white chocolate) and pretzels together.  And everyone KNOWS sprinkles makes everything better!

I found this picture and recipe over at Martha Stewart’s fancy website.  but lemme tell you guys something…I have been doing this for YEARS.  Martha probably stole it from me.  THAT BITCH. Ok truth: I am n a lot of meds and some of them make me a *little* rage-y.

Anywho, these are fun and easy and the kids can pretty much do them alone. Well aside from the whole melting chocolate thing.

Here is what Martha had to say about it: (Word for word) Like most sparklers, these are extinguished after a short while — with several large bites. To make two dozen, place 4 ounces chopped semisweet chocolate in a heatproof bowl set over a pan of simmering water. Stir occasionally until melted; remove from heat. Using a pastry brush, coat the upper third of each pretzel rod in chocolate. Cover with sprinkles; stand pretzels upright in a glass. Place in the refrigerator until firm, about 5 minutes.

I mean I didn’t talk to her myself, but one of her minions typed this up on her site.

Here is what I do…  You can get this really awesome melting chocolate in white, regular, or dark now that you bust up and melt in it’s own container.  You just microwave it, stopping to stir and making sure you don’t over cook it b/c you will burn that shit.  Have some wax paper laid out, pretzels out, and several different combos of sprinkles.  If you are really feeling creative you can color portions of the chocolate, well only the white chocolate…OR you can buy “Candy Melts” that come in several colors already and they melt in the microwave too.  So, just dip the pretzel stick in, then dip/roll in sprinkles and let them dry on the wax paper.  It is really so simple, cute, and YUMMY.  You can use any pretzels you want really, just the long sticks are easier for handling.

That’s what she said.

Speaking of “that’s what she said” don’t forget to enter the KY giveaway presented by Kim we have going on right now.

If you think you can hang…Muahahaha!

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY BEESHES!!!!  PARTY HARD AND REPORT BACK HERE, TO THE GIMP. KTHANKXBAI.

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I like quickies and nooners and the I hope we don’t get caught by the kids sex. You know the sex with your clothes half off, hard and fast, your hair gets mussed up, and then ten minutes later you reappear all flushed and acting like nothing ever happened. And let me just say, having five kids has made me the queen of quickies. I know how to get in the perfect position and pull my man right into me to where there is instant access to the G-spot, so its easy for me to get what I want within a small time frame.

One of the thrilling things about the quickie is finding a place to do it. I think me and Mr. K have done it just about everywhere, before and after kids. There isn’t a room in this house that hasn’t been christened and since having kids I am very grateful for that big walk in closet that we have. But there is something to be said for foreplay.

I’ll admit, there has been a lot more quickies and nooners in the past thirteen years than there has been long sexual sessions with lots of foreplay. However since my hysterectomy, foreplay is where it is at. I need a little extra, okay, sometimes a lot extra to get me going, it just depends and there is nothing better than adding something extra to those long love making sessions. Things you often can’t get into when you are getting fucked in the laundry room while the kids are watching cartoons.

So when K-Y contacted me about reviewing their new YOURS+MINE KISSABLE SENSATIONS I was game. Getting Mr. K into the game though was an entirely different story. My husband is not as adventurous as I am, and he is not a fan of mixing stuff from the kitchen in with stuff that goes on in the bedroom. He is perfectly fine with fucking on the kitchen table as long as all the food is put away. However, he can be persuaded to go along with my little experiments and this wasn’t exactly food, it was just a flavored body product to be licked, kissed and sucked off the body, and well, that is what sold him. I mean what man is not into getting licked and sucked right?

The new K-Y YOURS+MINE KISSABLE SENSATIONS for the Body comes in two different flavors for him and her, decadent chocolate and refreshing strawberry. I believe the flavors can be for either him or her, and personally I thought the decadent chocolate flavor tasted and smelled better than the refreshing strawberry. I think this is just a personal preference. Unlike some flavored body products that you might pick up at a sex shop, these products did not have a strong odor and did not burn or give a tingling sensation on the body or on the mouth. They can also be used with other K-Y products from the YOURS+MINE collection or INTENSE, a female arousal gel.

Now, you didn’t think I would leave any of you out from all the licking, sucking and fucking did you? Because I think one of the great things about doing BlogHer@Home is the easy access to my partner for getting down and dirty. I mean how many of those people at BlogHer are going to have time for hawt sex! Not many. So the generous people at K-Y are allowing me to give away some of their great products to TWO fantastic, dynamic, very sexy BlogHer@Home readers. You will be getting not only the NEW K-Y KISSABLE SENSATIONS but also a K-Y YOURS+MINE lubricant.

To Enter: In the comments let me know where the most unusual place you have ever had a quickie, before or after kids. A winner will be announced next Thursday, same time and place, so you have until Wednesday to get your entries in.

Disclosure statement: This posting comments on products sent to me, Beautiful Wreck, on behalf of K-Y Brand to facilitate my review. They are also the sponsor of this giveaway.

i was in a bar with a friend a couple of weeks ago when the world cup was going on and US was playing England. the game tied. not only do i have zero interest in “soccer/football,” but i don’t understand how even though you tie a game, you somehow still win it????

whatever, that’s not the point.

so, both the american and british folk in the bar were celebrating because both had tied/won.

so this one british bloke starts a discussion with my friend and i about british vocabulary and how words like “bugger” and “bollocks” should be incorporated into the american vocabulary.

as i sat there and listened to him drudge on and on, i realized that the majority of the words and/or phrases he used as examples began with the letter “b.”

and THEN it dawned on me that i needed to write a drink post soon…

and THEN it dawned on me that everyone needs a good bloody mary recipe.

chances are, when the folks in NYC who are attending the conference wake up on saturday and sunday morning, they’ll pop some advil and then go for one of two things… coffee… or a bloody mary.

the same holds true for us BHAH10 folks. i just prefer the spicay over the coffee when it comes to having a hangover… and a side of bacon never hurts.

so behold, my favorite bloody mary recipe…

1 1/2 ounces vodka (i use absolut peppar)
1/2 cup tomato juice
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
worcestershire sauce to taste
tabasco sauce to taste
1 celery stick for garnish
1 lemon wedge for garnish

*for you super sassy spicay lovas, add a dash of horseradish to the mixture.*

combine the vodka, tomato juice, lemon juice, worcestershire sauce, tabasco, a cup ice cubes, and salt and pepper to taste, shake the mixture well, and strain it into a tall glass filled with ice cubes.

garnish that bitch with the celery stick and lemon wedge after dipping the lemon-juiced rim of the glass in a combination of crushed black pepper and sea salt.

and while you’re drinking that bitch do me a favor and go win yourself a purse

This week, the girls over at GTT are wanting to know what we’d do with a $100 and the power of internet shopping.

Because I like the variety, the price and the whole dealing with only one shipping department thing, I would probably head over to Amazon.com first.

So first, I’d invest in a gallon of Frank’s Red Hot Sauce. ($15) Yeah, slightly odd. But we go through that stuff like water. And there is NOTHING more aggravating than being drunk and wanting a snack, reaching for the Frank’s, and realizing you’re OUT.

So I still have $85. Good.

So I’d pick up the second season of True Blood, for $40. We’re on a free-TV-only plan (no cable or dish! The horrors!) right now, but I miss Sookie. And Bill. Mostly Bill. For the record though? In the books, I lusted fully over Eric. But for the television show, I think the actor (Stephen Moyer) they cast for Bill is more my type, physically.

~swoons~

Anyway, erm, where was I?

Oh yeah, $45 left to spend.

I’m thinking that after that vampire porn picture, I might need to pick up some KY Your’s and Mine lube. ($15)This stuff? Is awesome. Usually I weigh the fun of lube vs. the mess it seems to create. (Don’t tell me it’s never crossed YOUR mind!(please?)) But when the husband grabs this out of the stash? There’s no decision making. It’s game on. Every. Time.

And then I’d go buy Left 4 Dead 2 with my last bit of cash.

Because nothing tops off a night of spicy food, vampire porn and hot sex quite like hunting down zombies from the comfort of your couch.

Love and kisses,