Every night I fall into bed next to a man I have been with for seventeen years. I am more in love with him now than I was when I married him. Not only is he my best friend and partner in parenting our five children but he is my lover, and a damn good one at that.

Through the years our sex life has changed. When we were young we fucked like rabbits, sometimes six and seven times a day. (no lie) We would literally lay up in my dorm room and have sex all day long, soaking the sheets with our sweat and bodily fluids, drinking water and sodas and eating cheese crackers and candy bars. I am amazed he was able to keep his 4.0 that semester to be honest with you because he missed a lot of classes. In those early years we had sex just about anywhere, and everywhere. There is probably not a park, a dead end street, or cemetery we didn’t visit in the southern part of the state.

When we met, I was definitely the more experienced one and I used it to my advantage. My mother often said that the reason he asked me to marry him in six weeks and three days of dating was because I probably blew his fucking mind away with so much sex. There may be some truth to that, because I have yet to hear him deny it.

Over the years, the ebb and flow of our sex life has varied. That is what happens when you have children back to back to back and all kinds of family drama in between. Frequency has varied from twice daily to four to five times a week. I think the longest we have gone without having sex is five weeks and one day and that was last year when I had a hysterectomy. Sex is a very important part of our relationship and I hope it continues to be.

One of the great things between Mr. K and I is having open communication, especially when it comes to sex. Sadly, many couples do not have open communication about sex. I’ve been surprised by how many women do not voice sexual discomfort, likes, dislikes, and what they want in their relationships. Sometimes this is because of past sexual abuse or other issues that may impact trusting your partner. I’ve had people ask me what is the most important thing to my sex life, and it’s not a position, a sex act, or some extra mysterious make you orgasm in 30 seconds fingering move but trust. The second most important thing is talking.

It might not be easy to communicate your needs between the sheets. I know I have failed at communicating my wants and desires a few times. There are always subtle ways to get information to your partner. I know that I have left messages for Mr. K on the bathroom mirror written in lipstick. Sticky notes with suggestions in his lunch, emails with suggestive information and possible links to something I want to try, and let me not forget sextexting.

Just like communicating anything else in a relationship, be sure to not cut your partner down or embarrass them. This may be a no brainer, but nothing turns a person off more than hearing “I really hate it when you…”. Try to pick appropriate times to to talk to your partner about what you want from them sexually. If they are really stressed out or extremely tired it is probably not the time because they may not be receptive to your wants and desires.

I know it is tough with kids, jobs and all the other responsibilities but without a doubt, opening the lines of communication about where you want to be kissed, licked and fucked will only improve your sex life and even more so your relationship.

This post would not be complete without a GIVEAWAY!!! I would like to thank the people of KY for sponsoring my post today on BlogHer@Home and providing TWO very lucky readers the chance to win a prize pack of their Yours+Mine products. Winners will receive the NEW K-Y KISSABLE SENSATIONS but also a K-Y YOURS+MINE lubricant.

To Enter: In the comments let me know what  creative ways you have done to communicate with your partner what you want or life between the sheets. A winner will be announced next Thursday, same time and place, so you have until Wednesday to get your entries in.

Last Weeks Winners!!! Random.org picked out no. 10 and no. 5. Congratulations Ilissa and carbonKim!!!

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So, so, so….it’s time for more about me. Please hold all applause until the end.

My approach this time shall be a random list of things some of which you might know, some may surprise you.

• I am first generation Italian-American.  My father was run out of Italy by some pretty um, not nice dude for getting one of their daughters pregnant out of wedlock.  This was like the 40′s in Rome, Italy.  That shit was NOT cool back then.  So I have a brother over there I don’t know.  Then when my Papa got to the U.S. he went to Philly for some reason, where he met and married a woman and had two sons.  They later divorced but Papa kept in touch with those sons until his death in ’86.  I haven’t seen either one of those brothers since.  Mike keeps telling me I should search for them, but I don’t know. All I do know is one of them played for the Steelers for a while.  I guess we know where Mason gets his stature from, my Papa had large sons, and grandsons.
• I feel weird sometimes co-hosting this site and conference because I don’t much feel like a blogger.  I have been around here for about a year.  I think Jenn just asked me because I am a complete loud mouth on Twitter and I am totally ok with that.  My blog is pretty whiny,sometimes depressing, sad, and splashes of happiness all mixed in.  I really am a lot more happy and light-hearted on a daily basis.  My blog is the place where I take the hurt and whining and release it.  It works for me because so far I have broken a handful of therapists, but no server errors yet.  So the blog is winning.
• I can be the life of the party. Sober or not. I love people, music, dancing, and just being happy with friends.  In the summertime we keep the front door open and have a constant pool party going on.  It’s a lot of fun.  Especially during nap time when mama can have a frosty drink in the pool.  Ahhhhh.
• I swear I have the body of a 180 year old.  I have had so many surgeries, the latest being two on my ankle last year that I am still trying to recover from.  One more slip up and I am getting a peg leg and a parrot.
• I love horses and grew up having one most of my life.  Nothing is more freeing than getting on the back of a horse and letting the horse loose as fast as it will take you, to no particular place.
• I have chronic migraine disorder.  It’s about as fun as it sounds. I was once on 15 medications to try and control it.  That didn’t work.
• I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.  I got kicked out of college and when I went to return my life went in another direction un-expectedly.  So I started doing food and beverage in a country club.  I became a manager pretty quickly. Planning and running weddings and LARGE events.  I do love it.  But the schedule is not great for someone with a small kid.  So for now I will stick it out in the family shipping business that allows me to put him first.  I like that.  It’s nice to work somewhere that when your kid is sick, they care as much as you do.  Maybe someday I will move onto something else.  Maybe I won’t. Who knows.
• I can never remember how old I am.  Anyone else have that problem?  It’s weird.  I guess it’s because I don’t care.  It’s just weird. I always knew when I was a kid. LOL

I think that is enough MIND BLOWING information for now.  I am highly medicated and am started to go cross-eyed. (See ankle recovery link for info on that. Heh.)

A big thank you to Jen for holding things down around here.  I am really looking forward to getting know more of my BHAH tweeps so if I am not following you on twitter please let me know!  Soon we are going to start lining up a few guests posts, Mr.Linky for info on you guys, and polling you all on what you would like to learn about during the weeks leading up to the conference and during.

Some of you may have participated in BHAH09. You might remember that this shindig was dreamed up by Jenn and Nic last year, when they realized they weren’t the only ones disappointed they were unable to go to the official BlogHer conference. So they whipped up an at-home party for all of us, complete with video chats, link exchanges and give-aways. And they did a stellar job, especially given the short time frame they had to pull it all off!

In fact, it was so much fun, that we decided we need to do it again this year!
Now, Jenn won’t be able to join us, because she saved her pennies and snatched her ticket to BlogHer’10 up right away. But we’ll forgive her this time, especially since she did such an awesome job re-designing the site, and is graciously providing technical support for BHAH10!

This year, I (@thepsychobabble) and @masmom are co-hosting the event. You can check out our bios, and learn a little more about us over in the About section.

We already have some awesome prizes lined up.  But we’re always looking for more sponsors! If you’re interested in purchasing some ad space, or providing a prize (or both!), contact us, on twitter at @blogherathome, or email us (info AT blogherathome DOT com) for more details.

We  also have big plans for the chat sessions and posts this year. You know how if you go to a conference, you’ll have panels on certain subjects? We’d like to do that here, too, for you guys via posts, vlogs and chats. But we need some ideas. So start thinking about what it is you want to talk about, and who you want to hear from, this year at BHAH10, because we’ll be asking for those suggestions soon!

We really enjoyed the video chat last year, but found that too many people on camera really slowed things down. Especially for those with less-than-high-speed access! So this year, the plan is to ask for volunteers, and have you do a little on-camera audition. If you’re interested in being on camera this August, and participating in the chat sessions, let us know!

We’re really looking forward to this event, and seeing our old friends, and meeting new ones. So get ready, mark your calendar, and grab a button to put on your site, to let others know where you’ll be this August 6^th and 7^th!

And don’t forget to subscribe, or check in often, as we’ll be posting things and updates from now until the big weekend!

Until next time,
Jen ThePsychobabble