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THIS POST IS NSFW

my husband flies planes for the navy.  he has been deployed…  MULTIPLE TIMES (pun intended).  and that’s when my dear friend (whose name i shall not mention) introduced me to the vibrator.  YES!!!  THE VIBRATOR!!!  THE SILVER BULLET!!!!  and oh sweet jesus did it worked it’s wonderous magic for the 6 months (x 3) that he was gone.

so…  hub still flies planes, though is not currently deployed.  (WOO!  THANKS BARRACK!)  anyway, point being that BlogHer begins this coming weekend and there will be sex toys -a-plenty with you kinky, crazy, lovely, lovas out there.

and why shouldn’t those of us at home (or in my case, at a wedding) miss out on all the fun?!?!

thus, i direct you to maria‘s post where she descriptively tells you how to have a party in your pants…  pre-cocktail, post-cocktail, even during cocktail….  as long as there’s a smile on your gorgeous face.  :)

enjoy maria‘s post…  enter to win THE GREEN SHAFT (only for folks who are NOT going to BlogHer ’09 in Chicago) and shake your groove thang!!!

GET IT, GURL!!!!!!!!

ok, so 5 days out of the country and on a luxurious cruise with my bro left me entirely out of the loop in terms of BlogherAtHome, and i apologize for that sweet homies.  i know jenn and others have been holding down the fort in my absence… and doing a fanfuckingtastic job, right?  :)

so, time (for me at least) is going by waaaaaaay too quickly.  i have an inbox that has nearly exceeded its limit (i didn’t even know they could do that) and my feedburner is on fucking fire.  that’s what i get for being out of touch for 5 days.

before i left, last week, jenn and i were asked to be a part of the MOST incredible project on the face of the planet… and no, it does not include anything related to michael jackson or asking usher to sing to MJ again while stroking his coffin.  nor does it include al sharpton.  so cheers to that!

so much awesomeness has been going on with BlogherAtHome that i find myself entirely overwhelmed with gratitude for the support we’ve gotten, whether it be in terms of swag, tweets to jenn and i just saying “thanks for doing this,” or meghan and heather contacting us about friendsofmaddie.org

i guess the lesson in all of this is that i need to leave the country more often and indulge in more umbrella drinks, cuz when i do, shit actually gets done.  :)  so a big ol’ WOOT WOOT to jenn and company for kicking some major ass over the last week.

so, i tweeted with jenn yesterday from the miami airport, asking what i need to do to get back into the swing of things with this…  her answer was “post something about how the hell you’re going to BlogherAtHome from a wedding.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

well………..  paul and i arrive in birmingham this coming friday night, just in time for my college roommate’s rehearsal dinner.  we will attend that, and at whatever hour of the night we get back to our hotel room, i plan on logging on to skype (ps: my skype name is mybottlesup) and finding out who is where and drinking what.  i think skype will prob be my best method of communicating with you folks when i’m in the hotel.  at the wedding reception saturday, i’ll have my phone with me where i can log in, twitter, send obnoxious twitpics, and possibly flash a bewbie or even two.  :)~

as far as the swag and giveaways go….  my faith and trust is in jenn.  come sunday, i will return home and we can discuss who won what and begin that whole process of getting your shits sent out to y’all.

basically time just will NOT slow down for me.   but that’s ok.  i’m runnin with it… sprinting even!  awesome things are happening, awesome people are gathering, and the overall awesomeness will continue…

what are your plans?  will you truly be joining BlogherAtHome from home?  will you be elsewhere like me?  will you skype?  twitter?  log in to the site?  find a way for us to chat?

that @PrincessJenn of our’s…  i tell ya what…  if you missed her drunken tweets last night, shame, shame, shame on you!  my gut (which seems to be growing exponentially these days) tells me that last night was just a preview of the awesomeness that makes our jenn the ultimate drunken princess come BlogHer@Home weekend.

ah, how i love her…

i digress…  there is business to attend to and it’s important business.  very important.  extremely important.  and that important business is the business of HOW THE FUCK IS THIS ALL GOING TO WORK OUT?!?  like really…  logically speaking, how are jenn and i, and many others going to actually pull this stunt off and truly BlogHer@Home.

i can’t help but laugh as i write this because i’m actually not going to be at home that weekend.  i will be in birmingham, alabama for my college roommate’s wedding.  the laptop will come with, so that i can check in, tweet, blog, etc…  but i won’t be actually lounging in my pjs with 14 of sara’s drinks like the rest of you bitches.

funny story: um, the night that jenn and i tweeted about creating BlogHer@Home, i was drunker than dammit.  i was all “hell yeah, let’s party on the web and rock out like BlogHer groupies” only without the stress, anxiety, shopping trips, etc that comes with actually attending BlogHer, like in person.  so i got all visionary about it, and she got all techy about it… and i continued to drink about it.  and the next morning i looked at my calendar.  and realized i had a wedding to attend.

the following question has been posed by the lovely @agentninety9 and it dawned on me that some others might actually be wondering how jenn and i are going to pull this off…

so, let’s get to the nitty gritty…  while i will be in wedding attire (no, i’m not a bridesmaid THANK GOD) that is kick-ass and yes i will post pics because my bewbies will be lookin’ mighty fine…  those of you at home, truly attending BlogHer@Home should consider wearing one or all of the following…

• your birthday suit: c’mon, you’re goina be piss drunk anyway and then you won’t have to take anything off for bathroom breaks.
• pjs: always in style, allows you to go sans bra so that you can flash us at any point in time throughout the weekend.
• hot dress: ok, fine… if you’ve been to BlogHer… like the real one… before, then fine, break out your hotness and wear your cleavage-enticing, panty-less wonder of a hot dress that’s sat in your closet since last year’s BlogHer.
• a baby: i realize there are nursing moms who will be tuning in to BlogHer@Home that weekend, so if you wanna strap on the babe who suckles so sweetly at your breast, feel free… feel fuckin’ free my friends.

the sky is the limit, folks.  make-up, no make-up…  greasy hair cuz you can’t stand up in the shower to wash it due to your drunkenness…  or hair that looks like that silly mom with the babies-a-plenty on the Suave commercial.  (no, they didn’t pay me to say that).  come as you are!!!

another business matter is time-zones…  you tweeps are everywhere.  i will be on central time in good ol’ alabama, but we’ve got west coasters, canadians, east coasters, drunk coasters (oh wait, that’s not right).  anyway…  let’s brainstorm in the comments section of this post and get some ideas stirrin’ up on how we can chat, skype, etc…

if you have ideas on how jenn and i can set up a chat network or feed at certain times on certain days, throw it out there.  BlogHer@Home is for all of us, so the more input we can get to pull this shit off, the better.

ok, this post was exhausting to write…  who’s got a drink for me?  oh yeah, and don’t forget to comment below about jenn’s drunkenness…  *cough cough* i mean the important biznass at hand…

the other day my hub brought to my attention that he feels i twitter too much and blog too much…  basically, to him, i’m on the computer nonstop.

typically i would take this personally, overreact, and snark some bitchy comments back at him going tit-for-tat with every little thing i think he does too much…  but i didn’t.

instead i heard him out and truly wanted to know more about what he was experiencing and how he was feeling.  (and no, i’m not a shrink, i’ve just had a lot of them in my time).  what i learned from him was really interesting to me, and makes me want to pose the following question to you…

with BlogHer@Home approaching, we’re going to be spending A LOT of time on our computers…  i mean, jenn and i just kinda pulled this whole thing out of our asses when we created this site because we wanted give ourselves an excuse to drink and party with the best of ‘em who will be attending BlogHer ’09.  (right, jenn?  eh…  ok maybe i’m just speaking for myself).

anyway, my question is this…  all of us blog, and with blogging and twittering comes an excessive amount of time on the computer…  does that time spent on the computer take away from your time with your partner?

and, question 2, if that’s the case, what are you expecting from BlogHer@Home during that weekend?  have you told your significant other, “ok, this weekend is when you are responsible for the wee-ones because i’m going to be drunk and on the computer and web cam all weekend long with a bunch of strangers friends?”

is any of this making sense?  anyone else have computer vs partner issues?  do tell…  do tell…

we need some swag, yo.  and i guess the whole way things like this work is by contacting people who know people…  “and they tell two friends, and they tell two friends…” 

so tell two friends, please.  whore us out.  we’re offering free advertising, and c’mon, who wouldn’t want to get in on this sweet action?  i mean seriously.

i’ve offered to post pics of my boobs and say that you can touch if you give us toys… but i don’t think my husband would approve.

so we’re offering ad-space peeps…  

helps us party with the best of ‘em who are attending BlogHer ’09 and give us swag.  we’ll love you all the more for it… and i may be able to talk Sara in to posting pics of her boobs…

make out with another blogger who is attending BlogHer, who would it be?  

ok, ok, i know everyone’s answer already…  Tanis @redneckmommy is the resounding answer.  that’s cool.  i dig her.  and i’d totally make out with her.  i’m sure she’s a fantastic lay; and she continues to amaze me with every piece of her family story that she shares on her blog.  she is a fantastic mother and totally hot.

so the questions continue….  

if you could…

share a bottle (ok two bottles) of wine with another blogger who is attending BlogHer, who would it be?

for me, it’d be Meghan @AMomTwoBoys because she just rocks my socks until they fly the fuck off my feet.  she helped me find a way to mail Heather @mamaspohr delicious bath items without even flinching.  to me, sharing a bottle of wine with her, would be like sharing an eternity of stories from kindred spirits.

if you could…

attend only ONE of the multiple parties being hosted for BlogHer, which would it be?

i’m down with “the people’s party“…  why?  because it’s the fuckin people’s party, man.  c’mon!

if you could…

spend an afternoon toodling around chicago and all that the city (which i have lived in twice has to offer) with, who would it be????

i don’t even know her fucking name because she’s that cool….  (and it’s not listed on her website) @temptingmama is totally who i would want to tour the city with.  she has such an awesome and intricate perspective on everything.  i know i would relish any moment spent with her.

if you could…

spoon with a roommate, who would it be???

no hesitation here…  the lovely maria @MommyMelee because i sort of fell in love with her this past week.  we had lunch.  she taught me WP shits.  she’s skinny as a twig and thus very bendy, and would make a fantabulous spoon partner.  if you are attending BlogHer and don’t at least attempt to drunkenly spoon with this amazing mother of two, you will forever regret it.  

so….  all you BlogHer@Home peeps….  share your thoughts….  answering the following questions and post your own please…..  share share share….  :)

so i head out of town in the next hour for a family reunion in florida.  i’ll be gone for the next 7 days, baking myself in the sun… for more details go here.

anyway, jenn…  you’re in charge of our baby while i’m away.

have no fear, the macbook (aka “pinot”) will be with me at all times, but i plan on consuming mass amounts of alcohol throughout the next 7 days, especially when i hang with her and her.  so while i may be updating my own site, i may be neglecting this one.

so, i thought i’d throw out a topic of conversation for those of us attending BlogHer@Home to discuss in my absence…

drinks…  alcoholic beverages… or nonalcoholic that look like pretty alcoholic beverages if you’re a non-alcohol consuming individual…

what will be consumed at your home the weekend we are all anticipating?  beer? wine? wine coolers? (cuz those are the shiz) koolaid? liquor? shots? gatorade? water? sparkling water?

discuss drinks… GO!

jenn and i are kindred spirits…  she is the yin to my yang…  (and no, i do not use capital letter when i write).  since launching this awesomeness today, i have been deluged with emails of questions like “how did you two meet?” and “how did you come up with this?”  and “have you ladies been friends for a while?”

uh…. we haven’t actually “met”…. we came up with this idea after drinking a lot of wine last night and twittering about how bummed we were not being able to make BlogHer ’09 in chicago…. and no, we’ve been friends for a few months….  cuz our kids puke A LOT.

our love affair began because princess V hadn’t pooped in days…  seriously, days.  and if you have a child who hasn’t pooped in days, your life turns to shit.  your kid is miserable; you are miserable; life is miserable.  they took princess V to the ER not knowing what tests were ahead of them… and i saw her posting this on twitter and thought to myself, “shit, i’ve been there. I. HAVE. BEEN. THERE.”

so we talked over the phone…  discussed symptoms, reflux, endoscopies, GERD, and puke…  cuz it all comes back to the puke, my friends…

and that’s how our love affair began…  over puke.  lots and lots of kid puke and poop (or lack there of).  sexy, huh?

she had been twittering about one of her precious V’s bad days.  V had been very ill, running a fever, vomiting, and not taking in any fluids.  given my background in super-puking-children, i reached out to jenn, sent her a DM (direct message for those of you non-twitter savvy folk) and told her to call me) as she whisked her precious one to the ER for fluids.  jenn was panicked.  had it been me, i would’ve been the same.

this honkey hoser and i ended up on the phone for nearly an hour that night….  we discussed possible tests, tests that were bullshit because doctors were ridiculous….  we talked about medications that we now lovingly refer to as “poop juice” when in need of aiding a constipated child.

we fell in love.

and we have kept in touch since.  if you follow jenn’s story, you see how passionate of a mother she is in caring for her victorious and vivacious V.  jenn is a fantastic mother.

who wouldn’t want to start a project with her?  honestly!  who?

so we bitched and we moaned about BlogHer ’09 and we wished for party invites, for tickets to appear out of thin air…  then we said “fuck it” let’s start one of our own.

we want to celebrate with those of you at BlogHer ’09 in chicago… but we want to sit on our ass at home and twitter while you all indulge.

c’mon, i’m just being honest.

so that’s how jenn and i “met” and fell in love…  we’re looking for swag… any sort of promo you’re willing to hand our way, we’ll take…  possibly even show a little leg for it…  :-)  ya never know…

bottom line: blogging… being a blogger (for me) is about community.  and this is the epitome of that.

in support of BlogHer ’09 in chicago and in support of those of us who wanted to go, jenn and i put our heads together last night and decided to create the following…

BlogHer@Home

can i get a WOOT!

last night jenn and i were twittering with a TON of you folks who (for the most part) were down in the dumps about not going.  BlogHer ’09 is all anyone is talking about right now, which is awesome…  discussions of party planes, parties, cheeseburgers, etc…

confession: speaking as a blogger who has been blogging for a little over a year, i’ve never been to BlogHer… honestly, never even knew it existed until i placed their ad on my website.  :-) ~  no offense BlogHer.  i’m a newbie.

it’s incredible that BlogHer exists in the first place.  promoting what we, as bloggers, are doing and then giving us a time and place to celebrate all of that is incredible!  so we’re not trying to down-play that at all…

quite the reverse…  we want to celebrate with you!!!  while sitting on our fat asses at home… :-)

or in my case, i will actually be in birmingham for a wedding that weekend…  so you know my drinks will be a-plenty… i’ll just have my laptop with me and my phone.  :-)

so dust off the webcams, stock up the liquor cabinets, prepare your party dresses (or pjs) and get ready for BlogHer@Home.

more details to come…  there’s been talk of giveaways, swag…  we’re workin on a logo, a button, etc…  so stay tuned.

oh, one more thing…  we’re so open to your ideas, so if you have awesome things for us to add to the weekend celebration…  bring it!!!