Every night I fall into bed next to a man I have been with for seventeen years. I am more in love with him now than I was when I married him. Not only is he my best friend and partner in parenting our five children but he is my lover, and a damn good one at that.

Through the years our sex life has changed. When we were young we fucked like rabbits, sometimes six and seven times a day. (no lie) We would literally lay up in my dorm room and have sex all day long, soaking the sheets with our sweat and bodily fluids, drinking water and sodas and eating cheese crackers and candy bars. I am amazed he was able to keep his 4.0 that semester to be honest with you because he missed a lot of classes. In those early years we had sex just about anywhere, and everywhere. There is probably not a park, a dead end street, or cemetery we didn’t visit in the southern part of the state.

When we met, I was definitely the more experienced one and I used it to my advantage. My mother often said that the reason he asked me to marry him in six weeks and three days of dating was because I probably blew his fucking mind away with so much sex. There may be some truth to that, because I have yet to hear him deny it.

Over the years, the ebb and flow of our sex life has varied. That is what happens when you have children back to back to back and all kinds of family drama in between. Frequency has varied from twice daily to four to five times a week. I think the longest we have gone without having sex is five weeks and one day and that was last year when I had a hysterectomy. Sex is a very important part of our relationship and I hope it continues to be.

One of the great things between Mr. K and I is having open communication, especially when it comes to sex. Sadly, many couples do not have open communication about sex. I’ve been surprised by how many women do not voice sexual discomfort, likes, dislikes, and what they want in their relationships. Sometimes this is because of past sexual abuse or other issues that may impact trusting your partner. I’ve had people ask me what is the most important thing to my sex life, and it’s not a position, a sex act, or some extra mysterious make you orgasm in 30 seconds fingering move but trust. The second most important thing is talking.

It might not be easy to communicate your needs between the sheets. I know I have failed at communicating my wants and desires a few times. There are always subtle ways to get information to your partner. I know that I have left messages for Mr. K on the bathroom mirror written in lipstick. Sticky notes with suggestions in his lunch, emails with suggestive information and possible links to something I want to try, and let me not forget sextexting.

Just like communicating anything else in a relationship, be sure to not cut your partner down or embarrass them. This may be a no brainer, but nothing turns a person off more than hearing “I really hate it when you…”. Try to pick appropriate times to to talk to your partner about what you want from them sexually. If they are really stressed out or extremely tired it is probably not the time because they may not be receptive to your wants and desires.

I know it is tough with kids, jobs and all the other responsibilities but without a doubt, opening the lines of communication about where you want to be kissed, licked and fucked will only improve your sex life and even more so your relationship.

This post would not be complete without a GIVEAWAY!!! I would like to thank the people of KY for sponsoring my post today on BlogHer@Home and providing TWO very lucky readers the chance to win a prize pack of their Yours+Mine products. Winners will receive the NEW K-Y KISSABLE SENSATIONS but also a K-Y YOURS+MINE lubricant.

To Enter: In the comments let me know what  creative ways you have done to communicate with your partner what you want or life between the sheets. A winner will be announced next Thursday, same time and place, so you have until Wednesday to get your entries in.

Last Weeks Winners!!! Random.org picked out no. 10 and no. 5. Congratulations Ilissa and carbonKim!!!

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